just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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