my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
