Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
