So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
