I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize