This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
