I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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