I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
