Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
