take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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