they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
