When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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