he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
