New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My bed smells like the plague
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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