I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
