So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
