Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
