Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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