MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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