i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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