I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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