I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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