brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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