Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
