Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
