Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
