Already got asked if we're dating
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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