I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You made out with two different species that night
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
