That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
