it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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