haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
