I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
wow bdsm is so cute
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
