I hate your face
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize