The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
