yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
