the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
