Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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