I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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