So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
