It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
mondays should just be called national damage control day
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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