Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize