my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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