If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
