My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
