I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
