I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
