does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
