i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
