The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
