i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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