Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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