Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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