You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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