you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize