Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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