I'm laying in your front yard are you home
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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