I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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