If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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