just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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