sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
