Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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