I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
