I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
