I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He has the fingertips of a God
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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