Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
