is your mom at the bar?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
