my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
this hospital has no fireball
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
