Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
