Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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