So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
