marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He passed out mid-signature
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
