ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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