I wish I could punch you in the face.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
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